Autism spectrum disorder is often diagnosed during early childhood, but many adults go decades without knowing they have it. For one Korean woman married for 20 years, visiting a psychiatrist with her husband brought a shocking revelation: her husband showed strong autistic characteristics.
Reflecting on the doctor’s assessment, 52-year-old Ji Eun-jung felt a sense of relief rather than shock. For two decades, the couple had suffered from severe conflict, assuming the root cause was simply a difference in personalities.
“When I heard my husband had autistic traits, everything that did not make sense before finally clicked like puzzle pieces. It felt like finally seeing light at the end of a dark, exitless tunnel,” she shared.
Recognizing the Signs of Adult Autism After Decades of Marriage
Ji recalled experiencing problems less than three months into her marriage. Her husband was extremely indifferent to housework. One day, he came home holding an umbrella, claiming it had suddenly started raining outside. When she asked why he did not bring in the laundry she had hung out, he simply asked, “What laundry?” and walked straight into his room. He would not eat unless she served him, and he never cleaned up regardless of how messy the house became.
At first, she thought he was just a typical husband who was uniquely negligent of household chores. She tried to adapt, fighting with him and attempting to change herself by speaking more gently and practicing smiling in the mirror. She even tried brief separations and logical explanations, but communication remained impossible. Her husband could not empathize with or understand her words, sitting like a wall and defensively asking what he had done wrong.
Failing to recognize the signs during dating due to infatuation, Ji eventually began reading research papers on autism to understand her husband. When she shared them, he finally opened up about his inner thoughts.
A Shocking Discovery Extending to the Children
The shock did not end with her husband. Upon hearing their father’s story, their eldest son made an unexpected confession. The son always had typos all over his writing, which the family had previously chalked up to a hasty personality. Despite doing well in school, he harbored undiagnosed autistic traits until adulthood, and their second son experienced similar struggles.
